There has been a small change in me, im going to call it the switch.

The switch seems to have happened after the weekend of the reunion with my old classmates. I suspect that the switch has been something that has been growing in me for a long time. For some reason this reunion seems to have been the final kick i needed to fully transform to somebody that stands on the other side, rather than the one he stood on before.

I dont think i can put clearly into words what the switch is, or even what it is that actually has “switched”. But i can try to describe what it feels like. Because the contrast to how life felt before is the most obvious way for me to notice the change at the moment.

I feel light. I feel carefree. I feel as if theres no one holding me back. I feel also as if im not scared of social interactions anymore. Its a little bit as if i now feel that i have something precious and by talking with other people i make good use of that precious thing.

Perhaps i am just in a short, transitory state of bliss, that soon will pass. That might have been triggered by the release of stress, work stress, preparing for the reunion (and then making a very good sucess of that reunion). But I do have one argument against that: It does not feel like it. It feels like a switch.

Without having much experience of depression, or what that word is even supposed to encapsulate. I feel as though i have been depresssed for the past 6 years. I know that i have been very lonely for the last years, but i never thought of myself as being depressed, perhaps not untill now, that the switch has occurred.

It feels as though i have just been hired for that job i really wanted, and today is my first day.