So where do i begin in all of this? Theres so much that has happened and now that some time has passed im left with the memories and with those memories, feelings, that seem to point one way but also another.

Ive gotten a first hand taste at forbidden love. The kind of love that should not happen, that doesnt usually happen atleast, and if i were to tell someone im sure what the look on their faces would be. Its a kind of love that abnormal. Does that make it wrong? I dont think so. I think it might mean that its hard for people to accept. How could love ever be wrong? How could love ever be something that we should shy away from? Love boils down to the feeling of having someone understand me. How could i ever want to shut someone out who understands me? I know thats not the way to go. Life is finite, people that work well with me are hard to find.

The fact that its forbidden, does that make me seek it more? I couldnt tell. Maybe? It doesnt seem like something important to me right now. The idea of sneakin around, finding innovative but risky ways to see each other, having to work hard to make it work, that doesnt intrigue me. But the idea of making it working does intrigue me, because i want it to happen whatever way it can happen. Maybe it makes it more fun thats its forbidden, and if it does make it more fun, is that a bad thing? Or does it just make it a fun thing? Im not even sure im drawn to the concept… Who makes up what are the bad things in this world? Isnt that something thats left up for me to decide? Or in the context of a relationship, us? Where does everyone else fit into that. Why is it important what someone who doesnt feel this love thinks is good or bad? I dont think it is.

But its safe to say that im happy, what happens doesnt seem to matter too much to me right now. Im still livin high of the memories we shared so shortly, each time they cross my mind it makes my body tingle with excitment. It almost feels dangerous to think about you. But each time i do im filled with deep feelings of fullfillment. Lust, curiousity, anticipation, nostalgia, butterflies in my whole body, its all there. Its so wonderful and so scary at the same time, the feelings are so strong, but seemingly they are strong for the one person they should not be strong for.

I will like all things in life let my heart guide me through this. Right now my heart is screaming to grab this feeling and dont let it go, grab this person and dont let them go, so perhaps that’s what ill do.