The expectation of a clean slate is deafening

it is also in so many ways freeing

but sometimes it feels so free thats its constricting

that it makes me unable to move

and actually do anything worthwhile at all

theres so much to do

but who knows what is right

who knows how i should spend my time to make it valuable?

surely it can only be me holding that answer,

knowing myself,

but i dont know sometimes

i just stand there with a blank face,

blank head,

finally i arrived to this place i wanted to be so bad

and im here and i dont know what to do,

the expectation and anticipation was so intense,

now that im here i would rather just have someone else tell me what to do

is that feeling why we turn to god?

or why we spend our lifes in dead jobs?

it is a heavy burden,

this life,

it doesnt carry itself.