Or rather, when is it that we connect with other humans deeply? Like we surely all know, sometimes things “click” with another person, and sometimes they dont. We might contribute this to having similar intrests with them. Or having shared a similar experience in the past. That might be why we connect with some personalities rather than others. But I am of course talking about deeper connection.

When we spend time with people where we never seem to get past formalities like “what do you do for work” or “lovely weather” we find that shallow (when we are looking for something more). At that point we might be looking for a connection that satisfies our ego, maybe we want to talk about something that has affected us lately, made us feel a certain way. Perhaps its something that has made us doubt something in our reality or its something that has given us an insight about our interpretation of life. When we want to connect with humans at this level, we are looking for a point where we can meet eachother, the lack of that point of meeting is what creates the “shallow” connection i first described.

Likewise when we have found a connection to our own inner richness, tranquility, emptiness, soul, and enjoy spending time there, that is at the level we want to connect with people. A connection of two souls, rather than two egos. At that point the connection of the egos becomes the shallow connection.

Im going to split them into type 1, 2 and 3 connections for simplicity, type one being the first described. I do not mean to attribute any value or hierachy to these types of connections. We are all doing exactly what we need to be doing. Its not that someone who fills his life with mostly type 3 connections is doing better or is better than someone on the other end, they are just spending time in different points of their journey.

Though what I am interested in is: how do we connect to people in this type 3 way? When we are conecting to our own soul * it is easy, it’s right there waiting for us. But humans are not always open and ready, like I said we are at different points of our journey. So is it then a matter of finding these people that are at the same point as us? Perhaps it is that simple. Maybe some people we are never meant to get past a certain stage of connection, and that’s not the problem, the problem is us not accepting that, trying to make them connect in a way that we want to connect. So then I return to the question I started this text with: how are we to treat people in this world in order to connect more deeply with them?

The best way to connect with them deeply is by connecting with them on the level they need us to. Is not the struggle of us wanting to connect with them on another level, only a struggle of the ego? In a world where the ego is nothing more than a construct of mind, I believe it to be true that we are not that one thing called (insert your name) who needs this and that, and can only be this way because of how you have been that one time. We are not something built up and defined slowly, through experience and learning. Rather we are the potential to be anything, at all times.

With that said I think I have arrived to my temporary conclusion that the best way to connect more deeply with more humans in this world, is to drop your own agenda, and meet them on their terms. For paradoxically perhaps that is the only way to get what you want, a deeper connection. At this conclusion there is a part of me saying, in adopting a strategy like this, are you not putting youself at danger? Don’t you run the risk of becoming a noone, a people pleaser, always doing what other people want, never acting in your own interest?

We have to remember that life is always a balance between two extremes. What is it that make extremes so interesting to us? I think a part of it is that they offer us a undisupted reality, where things most of the time can only be one way. Which is comforting to us. But life can be many different ways, and often at the same time. Which is something extremes rarely acknowledge. Therefore I chose not to take the extreme path where, coming back to my own argument, perhaps the existence of a soul * means that there can be no existence of the ego. Or rather that the ego is not usefull and important. A human with a strong ego talking to a human with soley a strong sense of nothingness, would after a while turn into a very once sided and strange conversation. So in that sense we need our ego to stay, to be acknowledged and in truth cared for, so that we can connect with other humans.

* soul: i used the word as a summary of consciousness as the ground of which everything else is appearing.

So lets give it a try I guess!

See you out there.